Different

 

I remember the days when I would spend my time filling these pages with the adventures I was going on with my kids that lived at home. 

And it seems like, in just one moment, they were all gone.

And now these pages are filled with grand baby faces and other things. 

To be fair, it was only two years ago that we still had 4 children living at home. 

It really did happen in a moment. 

I'm not sure I am handling it as well as I could, but I am trying and I will give myself credit for that. 

Today when they all started filling out the door to go home after dinner, I did my best to hold my emotions in, but two kids noticed and came to give me hugs. 

It's actually really hard for me that they grew up and moved out. 

They were my everything really. 

And now, even though they are multiplying and I am still very much a part of their lives, it's different.

I miss them living with me under the same roof. 

I have tried to make sure I didn't lose myself completely in them over the years.
I had lots of interests that I pursued over the years- teaching voice and piano, teaching classes at the gym, family history, hiking, and more.

But they are incredible people and I'm not exactly sure how to navigate this new normal.

We are only 2 1/2 years from Corban going on a mission. 

I am glad I have a job to keep me busy now.

I think the reason it is so hard is because of the depth of love and fun I had with them.

And that has to be okay.