A Moment About Mourning

 

It's morning here.

It's thirty degrees and the sun is shining and I had my breakfast on the front porch even though there is still snow all over the ground.

It is melting fast. 

I had a moment with the the scriptures this morning that I wanted to share.

And many times when I want to share I will post on my social media, but that doesn't feel right anymore. 

Well, at least with this one.

I was reading in Mosiah 20:9-12.

There has been a battle and the people of Limhi suffered great loss of their men.

There is great mourning through out the land. 

It was the perfect storm: war and death.

That turned into fear and anger. 

I was thinking about mourning. 

With the death of our mother (how can it have been over two years ago?), I was introduced to mourning.

I feel like now it is part of who I am.

As I read these verses I noticed how mourning turned into fear and anger.

Mourning needs to have it's place.

But even for me, after her death, anger and fear entered.

First it was fear that I would not see her again because I was not sealed to her.

Then it was anger over many things that happened in my childhood and teen years in my relationship with her. 

That anger and fear caused me a lot of suffering.

So much suffering that I would wake Matt in the middle of night because I was crying in my sleep.

But I am grateful for a husband who saw the suffering and encouraged me to get help. 

Mourning has a place, but fear and anger should not be part of it. 

It is interesting how her death has affected my family members.

My dad cries often and freely when we are together because he is fearful about her not wanting him when he passes through the veil. 

Two siblings have removed themselves from the lives of most of the others since her death.

Some have turned to substances to cope, while others have stuffed it all and are pretending it doesn't affect them.

There are a few who, from what I can see, have been able to truly mourn and not let fear and anger rear their ugly heads. 

In the next verses of the scripture (13 & 14) it talks about turning in humility to the Lord and how that was the only way things got better.

I want that for my people, but I know we are each on our own journey, trying to figure it all out. 

Here's a picture of me at breakfast before the puppies decided to attack me and I finished my waffles in the house.