Starting Again

This year appears to be the year of starting again.

When I had my heart surgery (still feels weird to say that) they told me that I would be starting at ground zero afterwards.

My energy levels were basically non-existant.

Just getting up to go to the bathroom took every once of energy I had. 

Let's not even talk about going up and down the stairs in our house. 

It's been 18 days since surgery.

This morning I walked a mile in 20ish minutes.

I walked past the greenhouse that had been such a source of comfort and love for me in years past and saw the twisted mass of metal that can not and will not be fixed.

It still makes me sad.

It makes me sad that my heart is broken.

Even though it has a new valve, that valve is not going to last more than 10 years.

My heart, like the greenhouse, will not be completely fixed in this life.

It just won't.

So we start again.

Not new.

Scarred and broken.

But the beauty is that we get to start again.

We have two new greenhouses.

One is done, the other almost.

And the most beautiful part is that even though it is not the same things are still growing inside.

Even though my heart is not the same, things are still growing inside.

  I am so grateful to know that God loves broken things! 

And I am grateful that Spring came.

It has been a really, really long winter!