Tonight I received a random text.
You know I love those.
But tonight it brought me to tears.
I told Matt that I wondered if this was a portion of what the death of a loved one feels like.
Since I know the Plan of Salvation is a thing and that we will see our loved ones again after this life ends, I wonder if it will feel like sending a loved son on a mission.
I know I will see him again and in only a little more than a year, but it feels like he is gone.
I wonder if that is what it will feel like to some degree when I lose someone I love.
I have been incredibly blessed.
None of my parents have died.
None of my siblings.
None of my nieces and nephews.
None of my cousins that I am aware of.
I'm 42.
How is that even possible that I have lost no one?
Matt's parents died 15 years ago.
That is basically it.
I've have grandparents pass but I wasn't close to them.
I miss Dallin tonight.
Tomorrow I will be better.
I am proud of him and love his desire to serve the Lord, but I have to be true to my feelings in the moment.
Those feelings don't make me selfish or ungrateful.
I am glad to feel.
Even if it's for a moment of sadness.
I get to see his face through my computer on Mother's Day so it's all good.
In the meantime, I will enjoy 10 pm sunsets, my goofy Matt and that Afton baby... among so many other things.
1 comment:
I don't know what it's like to send a child off on a mission, but I know the emptiness of not having Matt here. It aches and is incredibly lonely. But I can't wait to see him when my time is done. You are a blessed woman. And I am blessed to be your friend.
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