Gone

When Matt and I first got married we decided to have all our kids before I was 30.
That way, we said, they would all be grown and moved out before I turned 50 and we would have tons of life together without them in our house.
It sounded like a good plan.
It was like something we needed to get through.
That was before I met them all. 

Last night after we got home from the temple Dallin was gone.
His room all packed and rearranged for Corban.
Just like that.
Gone.
He's moved into the apartment that him and Jessie will share after they get married in two weeks.
It's as it should be.
But it is so hard.

I cried myself to sleep last night.
I am a big believer in feeling the emotions when they come.
Twenty three years just wasn't enough time.
I'll miss him looking over my shoulder every time I played a word game on my phone and try to guess the word.
I'll miss linking pinkies with him during family prayer every night.
I'll miss his hugs every time he comes in the house from working outside.
I'll miss his laugh when him and his siblings play Apples to Apples.
I'll m iss him waking me up late in the night to tell me he was home.

He's become the best person I could have hoped he would become. 
I'll miss seeing him every day.

Within one year two more kids will leave.
Then I will only have one left.
This was a stupid, stupid idea!