It's been two days since this experience and that has given me the opportunity to recharge my body and try to get my mind back to some semblance of normal. Early in the year Jennifer Walther and I decided that we wanted to do Crow Pass in a day. We had some friends that had done it previously and really felt it was doable. She planned it all out and invited a few others to join us and the date was set.
Before we set out I was having some anxiety. The length of the trail is 23 miles. Part of it crosses over a mountain, through a river and on a snow pack. I had strange dreams for two nights before we left. Even though I had anxiety about the trip, I wanted to do it. I prayed specifically for strength and endurance knowing that it would be the hardest thing I have ever asked my body to do. I also prayed for protection. I always do that. The Lord did not disappoint. He answered my prayers in ways that I feel are miraculous. But that does not mean it was easy in any way.
The pass was beautiful but hard to see as the clouds moved in quickly with the rain and wind whipping around us. There were more prayers at that point since I knew we still had 20 miles to go. As we dipped into the pass, the glacier to our right was amazing. I mostly looked up long enough to snap a picture and move quickly down since I was hoping the wind was less farther down.
As we dipped down the pass the wind did let up a bit. And then we had to cross packed snow on the side of the mountain. This did not go well for me. With the rain, the snow had become more slick then it probably would have been. By the time I got half way across, I slipped and ended up sliding down the mountain on my rear. There were divets in the snow all the way down. This made it very painful on my body as I bounced all the way down. I picked up a lot of speed and was very concerned as I saw the side of hill, covered in shale, that would be my stopping place. Miraculously, I stopped with out hitting the shale. I took a moment as my friends watched from the top, waved that I was okay and then broke into tears. Nothing was broken and I could still walk which is such a blessing. In that moment though I really wanted Matt. We still had a LOT of miles to travel.
I was feeling pretty good as we headed to the river. My mental state was strong and we had made it almost 12 miles by that time. We were half way and I felt like I could just keep going. Then we got to the river and I saw how high it was and how far across. It felt like something broke inside me at that point. I have never felt like there was something I couldn't do, but in that moment I wanted to run back to where we had been dropped off, which was a bad idea too. It was actually a very foreign thing for me to feel. And I just said another prayer. The water felt like shards of glass hitting my legs. It was really high, to my upper thighs, and the ladies that were with me were all much shorter than me. A little more than 1/2 way through I could no longer feel my legs and that was when I slipped. I was linked with Carol, who was 5 ft, and she was solid like a tree trying to help me. The current was swift and the video we watched before crossing said to get rid of your pack immediately and swim to shore. Instead I knew that I had to stand up and somehow, I am sure there were angels that lifted me, I stood up, grabbed Tyan, and was then able to grab Carol. We hurried the rest of the way across and changed our clothes, but at that point I proclaimed that I would never do Crow Pass again.
We felt like the last half was going to be easier than the first and we would make fast time. That turned out to not be the case. We had washed out places in the trail and places where the trail was completely covered in water. We had to crawl up some places in the trail and others we pulled ourselves across with ropes. There was so much bear scat that at one point we thought we might have been following the bear. I honestly feel so blessed that we made it through the entire thing without anyone getting injured.
I am thankful for the experience, even though it is truly not something I ever want to do again. It took us 17 hours, the last 3 miles were in the dark with only one working headlamp. The next morning I felt every mile. I could barely get out of bed. Tyan booked massages for all of us and today I am feeling much better, not 100%, but almost. We were prepared, with everything we needed, and we were protected. Of that I am completely convinced. Heavenly Father is AWESOME!
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