Sadness than Beauty

Yesterday evening Makenna asked if we could read through my journals from when I was 13-18.

I thought it would be fun to sit and read.

I was sure we would laugh a lot at how silly I was.

There was laughing and shocked expressions at things I had written.

We read for quite some time and then I couldn't do it anymore.

I proclaimed the journals should all be burned and Makenna protested that she would keep them safe.

She continued to read but I got my phone out and started to scroll trying to block out what I was feeling.

And then the feeling refused to be ignored and the tears came.

It was clearly evident to me that I was starving for love as a teen.

My heart was hardened toward some people.

And I just felt this overwhelming sadness for 13-18 year old Ginny.

I wouldn't want to change anything from my growing up years because that is what has made me who I am today, but I just felt so sad that I was looking to anyone and everyone to feel like I was accepted and loved.

Then I was reminded just how loved I am from a Savior who loves me endlessly and accepts me as I am right now- ALWAYS!

He painted the most beautiful sunset that I viewed from several different windows and the back deck.

This life is an experience- that is for sure!

I am just grateful that I now know where to find and feel that love that I was so desperately searching for all those years ago.

And I am grateful for a husband, kids, family and friends who show me that love daily.

(I might still burn the journals!)