Not right

The last 12 days have been a bit of a struggle for me and for our family.

I've sought for direction and guidance.

I've been given little tidbits here and there but nothing that was a direct confirmation.

One thing I have experienced is discomfort.

Not discomfort that leads to good things.

Things have felt wrong.

At first I was thinking it was from lack of sleep.

Then I thought it was because of the rudeness of others.

But there have been just a few times when I said I couldn't do this and those were the times when I felt good about things.

I thought that was weird.

As I talked to Matt yesterday I just told him that I couldn't do this emotionally or physically.

He told me that he had seen my 'countenance' change since all this happened.

I haven't been myself.

I've been angry.

Anyway, we told the case worker yesterday that this was not going to work.

I could do one kid or even two kids but not all three.

If someone else took the baby I could do this.

Anyway, within a day or two we will know if they are going to have someone else take the baby or if they take all three and place them somewhere else.

Either way I feel much better about that.